What to do if we can’t agree on the holidays?

Family Law
Aug 05 2025
Parenting after separation can be hard. What do you do if you cannot agree on care arrangements for the holidays?
What do I do if we cannot agree?

There are several options available to parents who cannot agree on care arrangements.  

Parenting Through Separation Course

This is a free course provided by the Ministry of Justice to help people parent well through separation. It will run over key areas of conflict, run through scenarios and provide you with practical advice to deal with disagreements. The parenting through separation course is often a pre-requisite of applying to the court.  

Family Dispute Resolution

The first option is a Family Dispute Resolution (sometimes referred to as FDR conferences). A Family Dispute Resolution is a specialist form of mediation. The mediator is not a Judge, but will attempt to assist you both to come to an agreement. You are not forced to come to an agreement but the mediator is a professional who will give you both the time to share your perspectives, concerns and desired outcomes. Family Dispute Resolution is also a common pre-requisite of applying to the court.  

Applying to the Court for a Parenting Order

If you have been unsuccessful at coming to an agreement with a parenting through separation course and Family Dispute Resolution, you can apply to the court for a parenting order.

A parenting order will set out the care arrangements for the children in a legally binding agreement. You will both have the opportunity to file documents requesting your preferred care arrangements and a lawyer is appointed to represent your children. The Judge will ultimately make a decision at a final court hearing. This is not a quick process though and it is important to understand this. The advantage is that the Judge’s decision will be binding and any variations will have to be consented to by the other parent.  

What if I already have a parenting order?

If you already have a parenting order you can apply to the Court to have those orders changed.  

However, this process can take a long time, so it is necessary to begin proceedings a significant amount of time before the holiday in question.  

If a parenting order is already in place, it is an offence to break the terms of the order. This means that even if where the kids are during the holidays is not specified in the order, you cannot change the normal arrangement without the other parent’s consent.  

What can I do if the other parent breaches the parenting order?

It is an offence for either of you to breach the terms of the parenting order. If the other parent refuses to give you the agreed care, you can qpply to the court for a warrant to enforce the terms of the parenting order. This will give the Police or your social worker the authority to take the children and return them to your care when the other parent is breaching the terms of the parenting order.   

If you would like to discuss next steps with a lawyer, our specialist Family Law team is here to help. We have the experience and the know how to help you through your separation and care of children needs.  

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